That first "look" and growing MY skin

Well it happened. We were out at a party with some people who did not know about our journey.  Nolan was stimming making noises and flicking his fingers.  I calmly reminded him to relax, as I always do, as a reminder--which he responded to by putting his hands on his lap.  It was a normal exchange for us.

During the exchange I look up from Nolan and notice someone there turned to watch us, and raised their eyebrows and looked very confused at the exchange.  It hurt me.  They didn't mean anything by it and frankly it wasn't a bit deal, but it hurt me.

I need to work on growing my thicker skin. My son is unique.  I am his advocate and I know what helps him be more successful.  That is what matters, not the looks I get when I do that for him.

It is not easy.  I have some social anxieties (I always have). It makes me extremely anxious to 1) be left out and 2) be looked at/standing out.  I care an extreme amount (and maybe unhealthy amount) about what other people think of me.  That makes having a child who is born to stand out difficult for me because MY anxieties in public shoot through the roof.  That being said, I am the one who has to grow a tougher skin.

He is an amazing little boy who needs the support of his family.  I love him more than I can explain and I am working on changing my perspective of life and controlling my anxieties so I can continue to give him all the wonderful opportunities in life regardless if we stand out.   I will continue to work on me for Nolan.

The day we got his diagnosis, we all became an Autism family. Nolan is not going through this journey alone, he has his whole family (blood and close friends) behind him.