Stella Rose 5 & 6 Months

Well last post somewhat began to explain my lack of presence on Facebook, we are in the midst of a pretty time consuming diagnosis with Nolan, but to take the craziness up a notch, the kids have decided to either alternate nap (Stella naps 10 to 12/1,  Nolan naps 12/1-3, Stella naps 3-5) OR everyone just boycotts nap all together.  Moral of the story, I.am.never.alone. Never.  Well, they have some pity on me in the past few days and I am getting this done!

That being said, look how much this little girl has grown in the past 6 months!


5 Months
Likes: her brother, sitting up, playing with her toes, chewing on hands/thumb, sleeping on her tummy, Daddy singing "If You're Happy and You Know It"
Dislikes: Being hungry, being tired, being cold after the bath, sleeping
Can/Does: sit with support, prop up on arms
Size/Weight: Peanut.  Still in 0-3 Month clothes, newborn shoes, and a small zippy

We try to take the kids to the children's museum frequently.  1 to get out of the house 2 to get the wiggles out and 3 if we can get our act together soon enough on a Tuesday we can take Nolan to the puddle jumpers class.  Stella loves the learning garden!

The neighbors called and needed a back up sitter so we decided to take the neighbor girl too!  All 3 of us when down the slide which was a lot of fun!  Such a great place to bring kids!

I took the kids to the coffee shop where we met Grandma Gloudemans and Cousin Cal.  It was crazy how well Stella did and how patient Nolan was too!  They all look so big here!


Stella absolutely loves laughing at her brother, especially when he is jumping and watching Blaze!

Happy Birthday to Me!  I spent my birthday with the kids with the exception of the break to get my hair cut.  It was nice to cuddle and look all that I have accomplished in my years on this earth. (and color away the grays they have given me 😂)

After trying and failing to get to the library due to construction, we went to Skyzone and jumped.  Even Stella enjoyed bouncing in daddy's arms!

Teething and not feeling well has led Stella to try out the paci again.  She isn't quite sure how to use it, but when she learned how to blow it out, it was hilarious!

Fall weather means fall clothes.  These outfits were just to adorable not to take a picture of them in!  Nolan is getting more accepting of his sister, but mostly because we are trying to make it a positive experience.  You can watch Blaze, but you have to hold Stella.  She just adores him!

We took the kids with our friends to the annual pumpkin patch trip.  We had a lot of fun looking for a pumpkin, playing in the playground, and just hanging out.

We have been trying out story times, play times, and puddle jumpers to get Nolan more social.  It is a great thing Stella is so "go with the flow" because she just happily tags along to all of it!









So Nolan was 3 months older than Stella at each of the holidays, but since she is such a peanut, she gets to wear a lot of his clothes!  It is so freaking cute so be prepared of a lot of comparison photos!

Here she dressed it up a bit with a tutu.  Then she surprised the crap out of me and can sit for very short periods of time on her own!

Stella has deemed herself a tummy sleeper. I keep putting her in on her back but she always rolls.  she is great at rolling and is getting good at sitting up and propping herself up on her hands so after a few days of flipping her, I am leaving her.

Again, its such a good thing Stella goes with the flow.  Here she is helping mommy with Usborne book work while trying one of our methods of getting Nolan to sleep....sitting out his door and saying lay down every time he gets up.   Its obviously hilarious to her.

The kids in matching zippys is just adorable to me!  Jeeze these kids make my heart smile!

Here we are with both kids sick again. Stell and Nolan both asleep in my arms.  I spent 10 days in the house with fevers, antibiotics, and misery and we survived Stella's first ear infection and our kids having 3/4 ears infected.

Took the kids to the Halloween in the park in our town.  Super small and low key and perfect "practice"These two, seriously.   Since Stella was a unicorn, unicorns have kind of become her thing.  Taking right after mommy. She is such a ham too!

Celebrating Halloween with my little pumpkins

Stella has discovered her feet/toes and the fact that they reach her mouth.

Trick or treating was fun but pretty cold.  We did our street and then the fire department pulled right onto our street and handed out pencils!  Then we drove to grandma and grandpa Gloudemans and went down their street.  We had a lot of fun!



Here is one of those adorable comparison photos!  Nolan 2 months, Stella almost 5 same onesie, same bumbo, totally different looks 😂

Stella bean being the ham that she usually is!  Getting photos goes pretty quick as long as you get them before she eats the stickers making them dissolve and impossible to get off the onesies.







November 1 was super warm!  It was 70* so we took the kids to the environmental center to get 1 more use out of the cute summer clothes and enjoy the weather.  We had a lot of fun on the walk and watching Nolan run the bases!


After the environmental center we decided to have a final campfire.  We had the Jansen family over and enjoyed being outside and just the final fling before we are all locked indoors due to the cold!

6 Months

Likes: sitting up, chewing on everything, daddy, daddy singing Happy and You Know It, Nolan, the doggies
Dislikes: being cold, being hungry, being tired, being startled, sleeping through the night
Can/Does: sit up, kind of clap, actually jump in the jumper, scoot backwards, prop herself up
Size/Weight: 13lbs 14oz (10th percentile) 24" (1 percentile). She is following the curve still so nobody is concerned with her small stature.  We go in for a cardio appointment at the end of this month to find out if she is cleared from cardio concerns!



Getting really good at sitting up!  Watch her eyes spot daddy and then light up when he starts singing!

Happy Veteran's Day!  We have many veterans in our life and we are so thankful for all of them!

Nov 12 paci out of crib

She is turning into a little hoot!  Supposed to be napping but found a paci in her crib.  she was playing with it until it falls down.  

It is getting colder out but it is still unusually warm for this time of year in Wisconsin.  We are trying to get out as much as we can. Stella is in her 3 month snow suit playing at the park with Nolan completely sitting up on her own now! (We do keep her on soft surfaces in case she falls back but that isn't very often)

And this is why we are using the 5 point harness now.

Playing with toys like a big girl at story time with Nolan!

Yay first snow!   Stella didn't like the wind in her face but as long as the wind was at her back she was totally fine with it! So freaking cute!

The same day as the first snow, I had my first Usborne booth at a vendor fair.  Ms. Stella came with so mommy could nurse vs pump.  She was a big helper, great spokesperson, and brought lots of attention to the booth!

look close, she is there!

Stella also got to meet the Grinch at the vendor fair!  She was just so smiley the whole time!   

 

Getting her scoot on!  Wants to move so bad!

 

backed herself into a corner with all her backward scooting!

Tried rice cereal for the first time! She did really well! 

Since she can sit up, she was basically trying to do a sit up while in the bath seat.  We decided it was time to take out the big kid seat! She loves it! 

ps. backing herself into a corner, cereal, and big kid bath seat was all in one day! Big girl!

Another trip to the children's museum!  Stella is just a ham for the camera so mommy took some shots.  Badger joined it.  Stella is getting to do more and more at the museum and I think she really likes that!

this foggy water thing is mind blowing to both kids!

ahh more scooting and moving around!  

Thanksgiving!  Bring on the more comparison photos and "photos we take every year."

Smiley pictures for the holiday!

At grandma and grandpa Gloudemans, Stella tried some stuffing and Nolan and Stella got to sit at the grown up table!  

Friendsgiving 2016 was held at our friend's house.  The kids in their matching jammies and the adults in their holiday sweaters, we celebrated watching Mickey, opening presents, eating a meal, and playing with friends!  We have grown a lot over the years (in size and number!)

Getting our tree at Whispering Pines.  We drive a long time to walk through the mud to find the perfect tree and ride on the tractor or horse pulled wagons.  So.much.fun.  One of our favorite family traditions!

Nolan got to help decorate the tree this year and Stella loved watching Nolan and the lights.

The mandatory kids posting by the tree photo.  I got them to look with the BeatBelle Stella got for Christmas.  Then I got the adorable photo of them looking at it and being by each other (happily)









Stella promoted from cereal to oatmeal and sweet potatoes!

6 month photo shoot with EllieFay Photography & Design!

  to follow along in our crazy life in "real time" follow me on Istagram: Behindthescenes_mrsg

Nolan's (and Mom & Dad's) Update

When I last posted, I was doing pretty well emotionally dealing with the journey we have been on.  I was amazed at the outpouring support we received on the blog and on Facebook.

A family friend, a former special education teacher, encouraged us to look up the poem: "Welcome to Holland"  This poem has become my mantra the last 6 weeks.  When things are hard, when we have a bad day, when I am at a complete loss and just a pool of emotions, I pull up this poem.  When I am at a loss and fall into Alex's arms with exasperation and desperation he looks me in the eyes lovingly, gives me a hug and says, "It's ok Honey, this is Holland."

I share this to tell those going through this that it is hard going through this journey; it really is.  Life feels unfair and you feel sad and you feel scared and confused, but it is ok.  It will be.  There is a HUGE learning curve, but it will be ok.  Prayers, smiles, kind looks are always appreciated, but you know it will be ok.  Some day, some how, you will get new maps, new language, new understanding of all that you are present in and you will be ok.  You will get used to Holland.  We aren't yet.

We think we are getting close and we have accepted it and we have our footing, and then we have more days where he isn't like his peers, more suggestions of therapy we have to do, more lists of things we have to try, more expectations, more let downs, more disappointment, new perspective, etc and we start over.  We go through the grief process again, BUT then we see the TINY milestones and a peek through of hope and we start to chin up.  It goes in waves.

So, since we left off we spoke with Birth to 3 and were pretty much waiting until December to look at things again.  Then sleep got SO BAD and we were having many more "bad" days I contacted Birth to 3 and asked them to come back.  We started OT.

OT has worked on a lot of sensory activities with the goal of providing Nolan with sensory breaks through out the day in order to have him seeking it less through out the day.  We have used the thermapressure brush (he likes it and it can help but I find I forget to pack it when you are taking 2 kids out 2 and under) joint compressions (He likes these, it takes no packing, and it does sometimes help), vestibular activities like swinging and rocking (he really seems to enjoy these and get us some smiles, even if it is not helping as a sensory break it is so nice to see this kid smile!) weighted blanket (not really helping we can notice, but we keep trying), and a lot of deep pressure (which, with a 2 year old boy, looks like rough and tumble play/pillow fights, etc.)

We also decided that we wanted to go through with an autism evaluation as we just felt there is more to this than sensory stuff going on.  We don't know if it is autism and in the back of our heads we are still just hoping it is just a bunch of quirks he is going to outgrow, but we also know wishful thinking is not something we should base or kids future/well being off of.  SO, we made the call.  This call resulted in a PILE of parent surveys for us to fill out so they can use this for part of the evaluation.  We filled it out quickly to get it in ASAP. The called back in a week or so and said that paperwork did show enough concern to go ahead with a parent only/interview appointment.  We just went to that on December 6. The appointment paired with the paper work has deemed that Nolan is borderline qualified for further testing.  We are approaching with the stance, we are never going to say we tested to much and provided to much therapy to him was he was little.  We would much rather approach it this way vs. wishing we would have done more in the past.  Our doctor also stated the pros: we get answers, we can see what is next, and we can stop just wondering.  The cons: We could have a diagnosis (which can be a good thing for whats next) but parents need to often go through a grieving process.  Yup, feeling that already.  Testing is scheduled for 2 weeks out and we will discuss the results early in the new year.

We have been having more bad days than we have in the past, but we have also made many gains.   We feel we are ignored, the emotional connection is minimal, he still does not show pride in accomplishments, and seek our participation much.  There are days where we feel down right ignored.

We took Nolan to the Kaukauna Christmas parade and he was cold.  He was unable to communicate what he wanted (I believe because he honestly didn't know-he just knew he was uncomfortable) and basically was upset the whole time.  Wow that was hard for a mom to take.  That being said, Alex and I have agreed that we want to keep doing things as a family and we will hope as Nolan gains skills he will slowly start to join in with our family.  That is our biggest goal.

Our other HUGE goal is sleep.  We just want Nolan to get the required hours of sleep he needs to allow his body to function at it's best.  We have realized he has more "on" or "good" days when he is well rested....but he really is struggling with relaxing enough to get that rest.  Nap time is the biggest frustration for me at home.  I am putting somebody down from 9:30-3 some days, and then when all that work is wasted on a skipped nap anyway I about lose my mind.  Then one or both are up in the night 2-5 times and I am running on caffeine and optimism.  Sleep is a big goal.  Oh, sleep, I miss you!

On a particularly hard day I just about lost it.  Nolan has skipped nap again, Stella was screaming, the dogs thought it was time to eat 2 hours early, the house was a mess, people were coming over, and I just felt like a failure as a stay at home mom.  My job is to keep the kids safe with sleep and food, maintain the house.  None of that happened.  None.  I sat in the chair baby wearing Stella (she just had 6 month shots and since she is so small and there were so many she just was struggling more than she did with 2 & 4 month shots), and sobbed.  I mean alligator tears, face hurts, sobbed.  The dog (Pudge) reacted to my tears by coming and sitting on my feet.  Stella looks at me with wide eyes wondering what is this new noice coming out of mom? Nolan?  He handed me the remote and told me turn on Blaze.  It hurt he wasn't responding to my emotion.  It hurt he was clueless to how I was feeling.  I cried harder.  Then, I took a deep breath, wiped my face, added it to the list of things I want to work on, and vacuumed the kitchen.  Nolan and I jumped on the trampoline, and I made a promise that I cannot take what he CAN'T do personally. He is not being a bully.  Yup, that was a low.  Now, looking back on it, its kind of funny he just hands me the remote, uses his words to express his want/needs, and says, "' 'mote, turn on Blaze?"  Glad I can laugh at it now!

We are also concerned about getting all he knows/knew to come out.  At one point, Nolan could spell his name.  He did animal noises.  He counted up to 14.  He sang Old McDonald, Row Row Row Your Boat, and Twinkle Twinkle. He danced.  He doesn't do those things right now.  He does know his colors and is doing GREAT with them.  It is almost like he goes through phases of things he is good at and "forgets" the other stuff.  I know it is in there, we are just trying to figure out how to get it all out.

We went to a library story time and at the end they let you play with toys.  I plunked Stella in front of the bead maze and she was loving it.  Then NOLAN JOINED HER!  Played next to Stella, went to someone to join them in playing, and didn't bat her hands away when she touched something.

We went to Thanksgiving at my aunt & uncles and Nolan and Charles were playing in the same room.  Then, they were playing with the same toys.  That in itself was a big deal. Then, Charles did something and Nolan didn't like it.  He came up to me and said, "Charles!" I asked him whats wrong with Charles, just to encourage language.  Nolan replies with "No, No!" **finger point and all, haha.  I said, "Well tell Charles then!"  and here's the kicker, he walked up to Charles and said "Charles, no no!" **again shaking finger.  Words, social, and expressing feelings!

The other day we went to the Kaukauna Library.  I was challenging Nolan with "first read, then play" a couple of times in the play area before story time started.  He resisted the first time but after finishing the 5 page book and he got to play, he did not resist as much the second time.  The second time I, again, said "first read, then play."  I read him another short book and set it down on the floor.  I said "All done book, go play!"  He stood up, picked up the book and said, "Daddy? where Daddy go?"  Alex had gone to throw away Stella's diaper he just changed.  I told him daddy will be right back.  He stood there, waiting, scanning the shelves. When daddy came back, he held the book up to him and said, "read it?"  😲  OMG, jaw drop!  Words, looking for daddy, planning, waiting, social, reading? O.M.G.

I stood on the trampoline today, holding Stella.  I yell over to Nolan, "Hi Nolan!  Mommy and Stella on trampoline!"  He looks at me, smiles (*insert inner squeal and melting heart here), and says, "watch this!" and JOINS us!  Words, social, going CLOSER to Stella, and smiles.  Moms freaking out over here! (but when I stepped off to watch, he promptly patted the trampoline and said "mama too" 😍


As we continue on this journey I hope to learn a lot, grow as a mother, teacher, and person, and really help my Noley boy grow into all that he can possibly be!  Welcome to Holland Everybody!



Follow me on Instagram to see us go through this journey (it is updated WAY more than the blog, unfortunately!) behindthescenes_mrsg

Our newest, most difficult, journey thus far....

Our sweet, sweet baby boy Nolan has been going through some challenges.  We have noticed many little things and alone they are just a quirky little boy, but put together they COULD be indicators of something more.  With my early childhood background I think I noticed them more than some people would.  I justified or explained them away them for a long time (he just got a sister, he's just 2, he doesn't see a lot of other kids, etc).   Well September 1, I had a dream and woke up shooting up in bed saying out loud, Nolan is autistic.  Now, was my dream true? I don't know.  What I do know, I cannot deny it any longer we just need to investigate further so we can help our little boy.

I am not looking for someone to give me a diagnosis because I can't handle my kid or need help handling him.  I am ok if they just tell me I have a quirky little boy, but at the same time, I want to be able to help him in any way I can.  If I can help him be more successful when it comes to school I want to help him.  I want to front load support and coping mechanisms before he is in school so when he is in school he can focus on school.

I contacted birth-3 and had time come out and visit. They discovered Nolan is right on if not advanced in his gross motor skills, fine motor skills, and academics.  He is behind in social and he is sensory seeking.  That being said, since he is still so successful still in the other areas and they help him compensate, they cannot really thing of any "goals" we need right now so we can revisit in 3 months (December).

Things we were noticing:

• avoiding eye contact
• doesn't acknowledge Stella
• would zone out/hyper-focus on things
• avoiding social situations
• upset in some social situations
• make fists and shake when excited
• jumping all.the.time
• not a ton of expressive language
• does not say Me, mine, my
• copies phrases like a parrot ("I got you" when he wants to be held because thats what I say when I hold him, "Help you"when he wanted help because I always say do you want me to help you)
• Doesn't want you "watch me!" or "look what I did!"
• Sensory seeking (jumps, rolls, roll crayons on head, likes pressure, etc)

Our pediatrician stated that birth-3 can help treat problems and provide supports, but they cannot necessarily diagnose.  He then recommended that  IF birth-3 said there were some areas of concern we should go to the local mental health and wellness center for kids to have him assessed to see if it would, indeed, be autism and they can do longitudinal studies.  Based on what birth-3 said, we are pursuing this avenue.  We have an appointment in December.

There were some areas they said he needed to work on that I had never thought of working on before. I was amazed at the growth he could make quickly!  We pushed drinking with a cup and using spoons right after they left and suddenly he had it easy.  He is starting to take off his own clothes.  He is using words more (we make him).  We use phrases like "relax" to remind him to calm his body (currently working!)  We have him look us in the eyes when talking to us to get better focus and practice.

We have gotten him a weighted blanket for bed to help provide pressure and calm him, got him a nursing cover from Cover Me Ponchos (he kept stealing mine--LOVES the fabric, so we got him one to have of his own.  It is stretchy/provides resistance, able to wrap himself in it, rub the fabric on his face, etc).  We are back to wearing the zippy, again for the sensory-helping him calm with the "limits" of the fabric.  We can encourage jumping on his mini-trampoline and riding in the jeep (vibrations).   We are going to story time at the library and working on putting him in social situations.

He has his strengths too!  He can count to 13, he knows his colors, he can jump with 2 feet, can go up stairs sometimes even alternating feet, his fine motor skills are age appropriate, and his problem solving skills are on track as well.

Counting up to 13 (this was months ago, he's more consistent now)

Colors (sorry it is upside down)

Motor Skills, Golfing

Using eating tools/cup

Still silly-Eye rolling at mommy

Fake snoring (its dark because he's fake sleeping!)

Now the feels....
Alex and I love Nolan with our whole being.  He is adorable, he is quirky, he is loving, cuddly and he is sweet.  He is smart, he is learning something new every day.  Our son is perfect-he is just different. When going through this, there comes a point when you realize that what your viewed as what would be your normal life has to change.  Now this is not a bad thing, but it is different.  You almost GRIEVE the loss of your original vision.  Then you accept that you will have a new normal.  Now this paragraph makes this sound easy and short and sweet.  The concept is.  Typing this 7 weeks later is.  That being said, it took me 7 weeks to get here.  I have sobbed, I have been angry, I have blamed myself (could I have done something different when pregnant or up to this point, should I have waited to have Stella, etc, etc.)  I am sad I have to learn different, I am angry at myself for feeling sad because it really doesn't matter if it is different, he's my perfect little boy--and this isn't about me.  I have been through the grieving process and I thing I am finally at the acceptance.  We are ready to be the support system our son.

I am writing this because it makes things easier if people understand.  If they hear him sobbing through story time, they get why.  If you see him get rough, you also can remind him to relax.  You understand why we are saying relax.  You know he isn't ignoring you but may need a touch on the arm and a reminder to look in your eyes before he can respond.  If I well up in tears because he is the only one having a hard time at something, you can smile and remind me this too shall pass.

We will keep you up to date and go through the feels more with you.  It is ok to ask questions and we are open to talking about it.

If you are going through this and you want to chat, feel free to reach out!  I would love to chat if you would find that beneficial.

Stella Rose 4 Months

Likes: smiling, funny noises, Pudge and Badger, Big brother, music,  cloth books, Sophie the Giraffe, pink O-Ball, and Lolli (yellow cloth toy)

Dislikes: being over tired, when mommy sneezes when she is nursing

Can: Roll both ways, scoot across the floor and turn using hands

Size/Growth: Stella is still in 0-3 Month and 3 month clothes.  Still wearing the "newborn" size shoes.

 LOVES chewing on her Sophie.   Nolan liked Sophie, Stella LOVES Sophie!

First set of pigtails!  SO cute! Nolan is getting more lovey too!  Love pictures of my babies together!

Go Pack Go!!

 Stella thinks her doggies are hilarious!  We wanted to be sure to get pictures with each of our kids with our dogs so they always have the pictures to look back on and remember fondly.  So stinkin' cute!








We took our trip to Sprangers again. Stella did great in the carrier and we had a blast picking apples and sitting with pumpkins!

Tummy time together.  Stella loves the bright contrasting colors, Nolan loves to count the pictures and name them.  I love them reading together.

 We celebrated Maverick's birthday at Chuck E Cheese.  Stella wasn't quite strong enough to hold herself up, but we have a start.  Haha, we all had a lot of fun!

Stella and Micah are 3 weeks apart, Stella older.  They are so stinkin' cute together.

 Took the kids to the NEW zoo.  We had a lot of fun. It was a nice wrap up to the end of summer (We went on the first day of school for many so it wasn't busy at all!  Nolan loved feeding Zara the giraffe

Took the kids to the chidren's museum.  With Stella getting a little older she is getting the chance to play too!  She liked touching the water (with her hand, not her foot so much) and she even painted her first picture (and her foot and mommy).

Stella migrating across the floor. She started on her back in the middle (with her feet on that middle circle, her head on the monkey.  I have no idea how she got way over there!

Stella has discovered the art of chewing on her own foot! It is her favorite because she loves chewing on fabric so this just took this to a new level.

When super crabby, Stella sometimes wants to chew on a paci...though still not really keeping it in and it is still very far and few between phases.

Took the kids for a walk in our brand new double umbrella stroller.  It started to rain and Nolan held the umbrella for the (I just held the tip against the wind.  It was nothing short of adorable!

Hanging out in the little people bin on our play date!

To follow along, follow on Instagram @behindthescenes_mrsg